When I think of this word commitment, I have to wonder what it is that I am committed to. Before I retired I was committed to my job, I felt like if I didn’t show commitment to the job I would not be promoted or be advanced. So now I see errors that I made, and the hasty decisions I made without convening with others around me. So like many others in the world, I made errors, and I probably could have had a more rewarding future for myself if I would have approached things differently.
Then I ask myself, “How different could it have been at the moment?” It is easy to see the mistakes I had already made, after all hind sight is 20/20 (vision). But, what are the most significant actions that I overlooked?
1.) I acted with self-centeredness, instead
2.) Of seeking God’s input, I acted on my decisions only.
3.) Had I prayed over each situation, and sought God’s advice, I’m sure things would have been different.
4.) Now I look back, and truly regret some decisions I made. However, that was in the past, and God promised to forgive these mistakes if I will confess, and ask forgiveness.
Now at a much older age, I have learned that I must have a different, and more personal relationship with God, but as many others, I too am a work in progress, but I know now that God cares about everything I do. He is involved in my life 24 hours a day. He continually blesses me and my family, He is always listening for my prayers. Many times He just answers the prayer, and it is done, and then I stand back in amazement. God receives all the Glory for everything, He will never share His Glory with others. God is working all around me, I seek to be invited by Him to work with Him, but I am afraid that due to my past life He is reluctant to use me for anything. I have failed Him so many times. I trust that I am saved, but sometimes I don’t feel like I am, I pray that I am, but I just don’t feel like I am, I am pretty sure I will not have any rewards in heaven, mainly because when God led me to join Him, I failed to. I broke the relationship, and I feel like God is saying, “I can’t trust you.” Even though God forgives all our sins, only He knows why we can’t be utilized to help Him.
I wish I could say that all I have to do is call someone, and have comfort, but no it is not that easy. God has His Holy Spirit, and His Peace in the world, and you can feel it all around you, but when things are missing in your spiritual life, well, it is upsetting to know that God doesn’t want to talk to YOU. Then I ask myself, “Have you called out to Him lately?” Well, yea I think I have, but then I remember it was only a short moment or two. I didn’t listen for an answer because I didn’t ask any questions.
I remember some bible verses that tell me that sometimes you will feel like God left you, but another verse says He will never leave nor forsake you, and then yet another that says what He began in you He will see it to completion. Sin is a very strong obstacle to deal with. Many times, (most times) I attempt to deal with sin on my own, and I always fail. Whenever I feel like I am alone, and God is not with me, this is due to sin. Seeking God is not a feeling sensation, no, it is a truth that God said for us to seek Him, and you will find Him. Seeking forgiveness through prayer, even though we don’t feel like it, just do it, and remember your salvation is not dependent on your feelings, it is God’s promise to forgive your sins through the Lord Jesus Christ when we confess them.